Save Sixty Dollars on The Morning and After Pill and Visit a Psychic

Audio coming SOOON!!!

So I know I posted on my last blog that I was going to visit the pharmacy for a morning and after pill for unfortunately it didn't quite happen.  Being the responsible and patient (cough cough) person I am, I couldn't stand waiting in line at the Women's Clinic to get a prescription for the morning and after pill. Every woman under twenty five in that place was on their second or third child and looked miserable. No matter how hard I tried to divert my attention away from the "Abstinence Can Be Fun" and "Living with Herpes" pamphlets that's all I seemed to be able to stare at. I felt like a man with a woman with cleavage in front of him. What was wrong with me?? After endlessly checking my Facebook and other social media I still found myself no closer on the waiting list. So out I went and I fired up my Papa Johns pizza app to order my fave veggie pizza and indulged with my favorite jalapeno cheddar dipping sauces. Yum!  Every bite was tantalizing sex with a delicious, hot man.  (I have the uncanny talent of eating an entire large pizza along with three dipping sauces...Do I sense a potential spot for me on America's Got Talent?...). 

 After chilling and watching TV for a while I remembered there was a psychic store right down the street from me.  So naturally I decided to visit a psychic for piece of mind knowing I made the right decision to not take the pill. Without a prescription the pill is fifty-nine dollars so being the rational person I am I decided to get a reading for thirty dollars and ask about my love life at the same time I find out if there's a likelihood for a baby for me in the near future! Genius. I recommend everyone do this. It's like purchasing a Living Social deal for child prevention and spiritual guidance altogether for half the price.  With that thirty dollars not only was I able to find out there was no baby in the near future for me but that I will have a boyfriend next year. That's nice to hear but after being promised a 6'4 doctor with brown hair and blue eyes (last summer), then an entertainment lawyer with black hair and blue eyes (this month), I'm starting to give up on physics' love prophecies. It's still fun to hear though! Hearing a psychic describe your future soul  mate is like having a one night stand with a celebrity without reaching climax; it's still fun and exciting even though you get no glory and still go home alone.  I asked psychic Lynn if I could record the session. She obliged and I have of course provided the section of me asking if she saw a baby for me in the future for your listening entertainment. You are welcome. If you listen hard and turn up the volume you can actually hear my heart pounding as I'm waiting for what seemed to be a half hour for her response. PS: That B!tch cut my half hour session eight minutes short so she did NOT get a tip. But I'm sure I gave her a great laugh. I probably made the next humorous discussion among all her other psychic friends on their lunch breaks for the next few weeks and will continue to be the punch line for all of their inside physic jokes!

 As always everyone, Stay Safe and Sane!! xoxoxo Kisses from LA!

This is what happens when I'm low on Benzos and Birthcontrol..

So to begin, let me introduce myself. I am a female that recently turned 29. I live in Los Angeles although I spent a duration of  my life in Las Vegas (which naturally qualifies me for schedule two narcotic prescriptions for life). I have dated every type of man under the sun. When I say every type I mean everyone from an undiscovered "Quentin Tarantino" that writes screenplays about being raped by a grandma and also preserves a baby goat placenta in a bottle in his room, (just to remind him of how "beautiful" life is) to corporate wall street men, to self-made successful entrepreneurs, to a broke artist that lives in a loft that makes a "career" (and a healthy contribution to Trojan sales) out of drawing beautiful women nude. (Although I never understood why his paintings were never in galleries; only plastered all over his walls. Perhaps the Unemployed Artist fairy visits and grants income for every self induced fake orgasm provided to women.).  I guess you can say I have an eclectic taste in men.  Honestly, I have dated a lot of men just for an interesting story.  I have lived a life less ordinary that has continued to transcend the social norms. But lately I have been craving more stability of my own, and severely wanting to embark on my creative ventures and become self sufficient and  forever self employed. Success never came easy for anyone but I have to admit it is a bit frustrating and intimidating to start and execute my new business that I am about to launch. I have no boyfriend, no family in the same time zone distance, and although I have a few amazing friends none of them share the same entrepreneurial  interests as I do. I tend to second guess my abilities and also currently lack funds due to my monthly rent which is the equivalent price of half a boob job.  I was recently introduced to a much older man who is what some people may call a "whale" or a "baller." He owns several private jets and several yachts among other luxuries and after going to dinner with this man and after sharing four bottles of champagne I decided to go back to his suite. After taking several shots he became much more handsome and we actually had what seemed to be a "deep" conversation and then did the deed. He promised me financial help and asked me out again the next night. I obliged. After drinking the entire day and spending most of my day intoxicated discussing butt implants, breast implants, and his crazy four ex wives, he made some insulting jabs at my weight (although I'm only a size 4 and dress size 2). (Ummmm did you look in the mirror Gary Busey's Twin with a leathered tan gut?)

Anyway, when the lights went out so did my invisible panties.  I didn't even try to picture an attractive young hot man. Maybe I'm crazy but I kind of enjoyed closing my eyes and taking a good pounding by an extremely wealthy man that's older than my father. I replaced the sound of his moans with credit card transactions. I actually reached climax.  And "Gary" asked me the next day if I was on birth control. "No" I responded. He immediately freaked and said I need to get morning and after pill.  Well, it is almost 4 o clock in the morning the next day and I still have yet to grace Walgreens with my presence in the pharmacy.  Maybe it was my lack of sleep or fleeting irrational thoughts but I began considering not taking a morning and after. My life is semi-stagnant right now due to my business picking up and I seem to attract anything BUT the right men for me.  I've semi-given up on love and visions of high child support checks were dancing in my somewhat sober mind.  My imagination tried to portray the image of the cross breed of Gary Busey and Britney Spears (whom I most resemble).  All I could picture was a baby coming out of my womb with a Stage Performance Mic Headset, a messy straight jacket hairstyle, and a bottle of alcohol in hand wearing a gold chain around the neck. Still, this didn't stop me from entertaining the thought of not preventing this possible embryo from forming inside my Franzia wine belly. I didn't even know for sure if this man wasn't married.  Then I developed an Arnold Schwarzenegger love child scenario in my mind. Perhaps I would have this unfortunate baby and propose to keep it quiet for millions, such as Arnold did with his maid.  I called my best friend and she said I was crazy for thinking of keeping it.  She explained how selfish it was and that the kid would grow to resent me but I don't think I would mind if my mom got poked by a millionaire. Trust funds are solid security, especially in these days while we are in a financial crisis.

 "Well this is what happens when I lack Benzos and Birth control" I thought. No more unprotected sex with men; rich or poor, Gary Busy or Ryan Gosling; Wrinkled leathered skin or soft sexy skin.  Babies should be created with love and for the right reasons! I believe I will take a field trip to the pharmacy tomorrow to be safe.  In all seriousness I do want stability and will continue to work hard for it. I encourage everyone else out there second guessing your abilities and your life in general to just do it! Life always works out.. but it's always fun to fantasize about taking the easy way out. As always, Stay Safe and Sane everyone! Prescription Kisses from LA!! xoxo