So to begin, let me introduce myself. I am a female that recently turned 29. I live in Los Angeles although I spent a duration of my life in Las Vegas (which naturally qualifies me for schedule two narcotic prescriptions for life). I have dated every type of man under the sun. When I say every type I mean everyone from an undiscovered "Quentin Tarantino" that writes screenplays about being raped by a grandma and also preserves a baby goat placenta in a bottle in his room, (just to remind him of how "beautiful" life is) to corporate wall street men, to self-made successful entrepreneurs, to a broke artist that lives in a loft that makes a "career" (and a healthy contribution to Trojan sales) out of drawing beautiful women nude. (Although I never understood why his paintings were never in galleries; only plastered all over his walls. Perhaps the Unemployed Artist fairy visits and grants income for every self induced fake orgasm provided to women.). I guess you can say I have an eclectic taste in men. Honestly, I have dated a lot of men just for an interesting story. I have lived a life less ordinary that has continued to transcend the social norms. But lately I have been craving more stability of my own, and severely wanting to embark on my creative ventures and become self sufficient and forever self employed. Success never came easy for anyone but I have to admit it is a bit frustrating and intimidating to start and execute my new business that I am about to launch. I have no boyfriend, no family in the same time zone distance, and although I have a few amazing friends none of them share the same entrepreneurial interests as I do. I tend to second guess my abilities and also currently lack funds due to my monthly rent which is the equivalent price of half a boob job. I was recently introduced to a much older man who is what some people may call a "whale" or a "baller." He owns several private jets and several yachts among other luxuries and after going to dinner with this man and after sharing four bottles of champagne I decided to go back to his suite. After taking several shots he became much more handsome and we actually had what seemed to be a "deep" conversation and then did the deed. He promised me financial help and asked me out again the next night. I obliged. After drinking the entire day and spending most of my day intoxicated discussing butt implants, breast implants, and his crazy four ex wives, he made some insulting jabs at my weight (although I'm only a size 4 and dress size 2). (Ummmm did you look in the mirror Gary Busey's Twin with a leathered tan gut?)
Anyway, when the lights went out so did my invisible panties. I didn't even try to picture an attractive young hot man. Maybe I'm crazy but I kind of enjoyed closing my eyes and taking a good pounding by an extremely wealthy man that's older than my father. I replaced the sound of his moans with credit card transactions. I actually reached climax. And "Gary" asked me the next day if I was on birth control. "No" I responded. He immediately freaked and said I need to get morning and after pill. Well, it is almost 4 o clock in the morning the next day and I still have yet to grace Walgreens with my presence in the pharmacy. Maybe it was my lack of sleep or fleeting irrational thoughts but I began considering not taking a morning and after. My life is semi-stagnant right now due to my business picking up and I seem to attract anything BUT the right men for me. I've semi-given up on love and visions of high child support checks were dancing in my somewhat sober mind. My imagination tried to portray the image of the cross breed of Gary Busey and Britney Spears (whom I most resemble). All I could picture was a baby coming out of my womb with a Stage Performance Mic Headset, a messy straight jacket hairstyle, and a bottle of alcohol in hand wearing a gold chain around the neck. Still, this didn't stop me from entertaining the thought of not preventing this possible embryo from forming inside my Franzia wine belly. I didn't even know for sure if this man wasn't married. Then I developed an Arnold Schwarzenegger love child scenario in my mind. Perhaps I would have this unfortunate baby and propose to keep it quiet for millions, such as Arnold did with his maid. I called my best friend and she said I was crazy for thinking of keeping it. She explained how selfish it was and that the kid would grow to resent me but I don't think I would mind if my mom got poked by a millionaire. Trust funds are solid security, especially in these days while we are in a financial crisis.
"Well this is what happens when I lack Benzos and Birth control" I thought. No more unprotected sex with men; rich or poor, Gary Busy or Ryan Gosling; Wrinkled leathered skin or soft sexy skin. Babies should be created with love and for the right reasons! I believe I will take a field trip to the pharmacy tomorrow to be safe. In all seriousness I do want stability and will continue to work hard for it. I encourage everyone else out there second guessing your abilities and your life in general to just do it! Life always works out.. but it's always fun to fantasize about taking the easy way out. As always, Stay Safe and Sane everyone! Prescription Kisses from LA!! xoxo
